Psst. It whispered from the dark shadows of the bassinet.
"Nope. Not going there." I said.
Come on, it'll be fine! It's not like he'll get addicted or something! Don't be such a MOM!
"No! I know what you lead to. I know what kind of games you play with babies and mommies."
That's not true, I'm a helper! I help!
(2 am. First night home from the hospital. Brixton crying on bed.)
I'm here for you. It'll be so easy. Just pop me in his mouth and all that crying and screaming will end. And you'll be in dreamland in no time. No time at all.
(Me sighing. Placing blue paci into Brixton's mouth).
(Evil laugh) Ha ha ha! Ha ha! Ha!
(Momentary silence. Paci falls out of Brixton's mouth. Crying commences.)
"See? I told you! You don't really help!"
Are you sure? Try me again. I promise I'll end your suffering. Your pain will be gone!
(Me desperate.) "Ok. Fine. You win." (Putting paci back in mouth.)
(Silence fills room. A few minutes pass. Everyone seems to be sleeping until....)
Uh-oh, looks like he spit me out again. Mommy wake up! Put me back in! Ha ha! What are you going to do now MOTHER?
"You told me you'd help! That I'd get to go to sleep!"
Yes, yes, in good time. But first you will dance like a monkey! You will go insane trying to make me stay in his mouth! He will spit me out a hundred times and you will put me back in a hundred more! Is that not insanity?! Ha ha ha ha!!
(Brixton takes paci back in mouth. I tiptoe back to bed.)
Oh..where do you think you are going? (Popping out of mouth) Dance monkey dance! (Brixton crying. I run back to his room.)
"You are so cruel! SO CRUEL!"
Oh man. "Dance monkey dance!"...my new parents of a sister and a brother-in-law have used that line quite a few times.
ReplyDeleteHope you get a nice chunk of sleep soon to refresh.
Maybe you could duck tape it to his mouth? :P My littlest one doesn't take a paci very well either. I just keep him in a bassinet near my bed, nurse him every two and a half hours or so.. and that seems to get me the best sleep these days. Hopefully over time you'll find whatever sleep solution works best for you!
ReplyDeleteThis seriously made me laugh out loud! Our youngest, Brees, has never liked a paci,prefers her thumb instead. Lately, at 6 months old no less, she has started waking up throughout the night, not being able to fall back asleep. I have tried to give her the paci just to get her back to sleep, I am so desperate! She's still not buying it, but man would it be nice if it were that easy.
ReplyDeleteThe things we do in hope of a few hours of sleep!
Thanks for the comments! The relationship with the paci is a love/hate one isn't it? :-)
ReplyDelete