How'd They Do It?

These dog days of summer got me thinking.

The sweltering temperatures, oppressive humidity coupled with the sting of mosquito bites and all of the creepy crawlies that come out at night make me wonder: 

How in the world did the pioneers do it?

How did they sleep in 90 degree heat with humidity? 

What on earth would they wear?

We live in a 1924 house with central air.  

It works well on the main floor, but doesn't do squat for our attic office/guest room.  As I type this it must be in the mid 80s in here and Brendan is scrambling around with various fans and whatnots trying to get the right combination of drafts going to suck some cool air from downstairs.

Not working by the way.

Also, how did pioneer women get anything done??

It's an easy task for me to reach into the fridge for some goodies to make dinner.

Laundry is pretty easy too.

But pioneering with an infant? 

I have the feeling that babies had to just cry a lot more back then.

How did anyone sleep?

How did the farmer husband stand it, knowing he had to get up at 4 am to start yet another back-breaking day of work?

 What if you were nursing and ran out of milk?

And don't get me started on diapers. Or lack thereof.

Really, it's a mystery how we made it this far..

And now, some completely unrelated photos!

  

Have a great August!

(Can you even believe it's already August??!)

The Downward Spiral

Do you remember the days of being whistled at?

 

Now, I will say that I was never the most bonita of all the girls in the world, but being tall and skinny helped and I did have my good days. I had my fair share of weird guy comments, whistles and stares (like anyone else).  

It started around 16, when random guys started asking me "Are you from (insert foreign country here)?"  I've been asked if I was French, Swedish, German, Danish, Italian, Hungarian, Israeli, and the ever popular Russian.  Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that I'd probably have around $100.  $60 from Russian alone.

I got a lot of whistles when I was blond.  Usually it stopped after I scowled at them.  I was 18 when a grown man whistled at me in Germany, more of a whistle I would use to call a dog.  I don't think he expected me to walk over to him and start yelling. But I did.  He had embarrassed me by that whistle.  I embarrassed him by yelling at him. 

Stares elicited a certain type of glare from me that melted all smiles and dashed any hopes of xyz from the guys.  Yeah, no. 

20-21 were what I like to call the pervert years.  I had so many encounters that year with genuine weird perverts.  I had a peeping Tom at my window.  I had a man follow me to the bathroom once at the gym (long, detailed story). I had a man sitting in the woman's restroom peeking through a peep hole at me in Germany (I yelled at him too and banged on the stall door, but strangely, didn't warn the woman entering the bathroom, something that's always bothered me), I had a man expose himself to me on the freeway (that's what I call multi-tasking while driving!).  When I worked at the front desk at the Hyatt in San Diego I had a client come in, ask me out, stand on a balcony overlooking the desk and watch me.  He also called me 2 months later at the hotel to ask me out again.  My favorite story was the guy on the airplane with the foot fetish. Here it is in a sentence: His foot touched my foot again and again and I yelled at him (at least I stick up for myself right?!).  

Now I'm 33.  The stares are gone.  The whistles have grown silent. No one asks me if I'm from another country.  No one wants to brush their hairy toes against mine. I push a stroller now and am not interesting.  

The other day I got dressed --a triple threat--hair did, makeup on and deodorant too!  I left the house by myself to go have some alone time. A man in the car next to me blew me a kiss.

A kiss! Un beso!

Nevermind that he was missing a few teeth and looked like he also had a newborn at home and hadn't showered in a week. That confirmed it.

I still exist!

77 Days

Ok.  White flag up.  I surrender.

I'm so bored and lonely and desperately homesick. 

77 days.

That's apparently how long I can go being at home, often alone for days (while hubs is working hard for us out of town), no friends, homesick out of my mind for friends and family in California, pretending it's ok to not shower for days on end or brush my teeth until 2:30 in the afternoon.

I am home alone.  B is gone for 3 more days.  I was sitting on the bed, pumping, and Brixton was laying next to me, screaming his baby head off.  I just melted into tears.  Melted. 

I want to go home to San Diego so bad.  Homesickness is the worst, isn't it?  It's like I am looking through a window at a life I can see myself living and I look so happy, but I can't get there.  We are so stuck here it's not even funny.  And stuck is really the adjective.  We moved here with hubs last company, who promised us a 6-9 month stint in Chicago and then a company-sponsored move back to San D. A great plan, a new city and adventure.

Until the company started to quickly crumble and eventually foreclosed, kind of leaving us here looking at each other, going What????

My parents are coming again this weekend.  And mom and I are taking a little trip out of town to Iowa (woot woot).  And I am going home to Cali for two (glorious) weeks in September.  So things are planned.

But..I still can't find a job where I can take Brixton (though I've been offered babysitting jobs at $5 an hour.  Seriously?  Did I mention 12 years experience and a Master's degree?) and I've tried finding a Meet-Up group for mommies in my area (the one that was here looked promising, with 144 members, but recently shut down for lack of interest and activity...great).

Sorry for this uber-negative post.  I did, however, get dressed today!  One point for meeeeee!! And I do do do so love my tiny Brixton, the little highlight of my day..my whole day actually..my whole life actually..so score two for me!

 

 

Back To Sleep?

Brixton's taking a blessed nap right now.

On his tummy.

Do you (or did you) let your baby sleep on their tummy?

It all started a few weeks ago when he just wouldn't take a nap.  I was exhausted from hanging out with him and he was such a fuss-fuss, I knew he was exhausted too.  

He hasn't tolerated swaddling in a long time and isn't a fan of being propped up on his side.  So, I put him on his tummy, he found his fist, made some little sucky sounds and promptly fell asleep.

And then I frantically checked him every 3 minutes or so, believing I was going to find a blue-Brixton in the crib.  

I know I slept on my tummy, that that was the going advice way back then.  I know Brixton doesn't have any of the typical SIDS risks--like living in a home where people smoke, being low-weight at birth or having loose blankets in his crib with him.

But I still feel really paranoid and guilty letting him. Not enough apparently to not do it though.

I recently found out Lamar Odom (Khloe Kardashian's husband) had a 6 1/2 month old son who died of SIDS.  How tragic.  I don't know the specifics though, if he had underlying medical problems or if he had any risk factors going on.  

So what about you?    

0-3 Month Old Fashion Show

Brixton, who is just 10 weeks old, now has outgrown his NB clothes and his 0-3.  We are in the 3-6 month already and this monster isn't showing signs of slowing down.

 

I swear at his next appointment he's gonna be 16 lbs.  

He's already over 13.  

Sheesh.

Carrying him in his car seat is starting to really hurt.

Um..can someone give me any advice how to slow down his growth?  It's killing me!!

 

I have little outfits I thought he'd wear again and again and again..only to find he's worn them once or twice.

My breaking heart!

 

Here are a few of my favorite 0-3 month clothes: 

(imagine Right Said Fred here, "I'm Too Sexy" playing)

July Collage

It's July.

Almost the hottest month, maybe August is hotter.  But this "heat dome" thing!  Ugh! Has anyone else's AC been cranking non-stop for the past 24 hours?  I can't wait to get my electric bill!  Wheee!!

I love making these collages on Picnik.  So much easier than editing individual pics and all (though I love doing that too I must say).  

So here's our July so far..it's almost over -- can you believe it's going to be fall soon???

TOP LEFT TO RIGHT:

The saddest face in the world, Daddy Baby Bjorn time!, Mommy & Brix chillin' in our race tent, sleeping angel, happy smiles, Daddy cuddles, love that chub hand, Brixton bathtime (I'm wearing a bathing suit I swear), crib crab, napping in the tent, burp face!, I'm gonna eat that sushi tongue!, Brixton's first bike race, random face, saddest face in the world II, I love love love this guy.

Have a great day, stay cool, hydrate and please vote!

Froggy

So one day Brix was wearing this shirt and annoying me.  I don't know what he was doing, probably not sleeping and being fussy all day and just driving me a little nutty.  (And it was about a month ago, so I was still getting my sea-legs with being a Mommy).

I was holding him, him all tears and wails and pout-pout lip.  I had that feeling, that overwhelmed, had-it-up-to-here feeling where the adrenalin of a major Mommy meltdown was starting to pump through my veins.

Then I saw Froggy.  Yep, just that little rascal on Brixton's shirt.  It just seemed so ridiculous all of a sudden, that this little tiny boy would be a man one day and right now he was wearing a shirt with that goofy frog on it.  

I burst out laughing.  That shirt is one of my favorites of his now, I always smile when he wears it and when he outgrows it I'm going to cut the froggy out and put him in a frame.  You know, just to smile during times when you want to scream.

Thanks Froggy.

The Dividing Line

Brixton had a rough night.  Well, he did with Brendan anyway.  It seems like he saves all of the rough stuff for Brendan: leaky diapers, horrible poos, fussiness, not sleeping, etc. 

Last night, around the 3 am feeding, I heard crying.  Lots of crying.  And a light was on, which means something big was happening.  I went into Brix's room to find him screeching into Brendan's tired, frustrated face.  Brendan was holding him and pacing the room, having already fed him, changed him and taken his temperature.  I tapped Brendan out, told him I'd try for a bit as it seems babies know just the change in the vibe and energy of a person and this can help calm them.  

He came to me.  

Cried for another few seconds, then settled into the crook of my neck.  Silence.  I bobbed him around the room a bit, then handed him back to Brendan.  

Brixton instantly started crying again.

Awkward.

Brendan's face looked so hurt.  Well, hurt in a "it's 3 am and I'm tired and bummed my baby doesn't settle down when I hold him" kind of way.  I took Brixton back and he was quiet again.  Brendan went to bed without saying anything.  I felt so bad for him.  

But can I tell you a secret? 

I was so excited too!  

Not, of course, that Brendan was a little hurt, but by the fact that Brixton knows me!  He recognizes me and he loves me and he wants me to hold him and love him.  Not only that, but this signals some sort of consciousness on his part, a preference.  Maybe he just wanted to nestle into my softness, my mommy smell of old milk and dirty hair.  Maybe Daddy's hairy arms and scratchy beard were too much for him that night.  Who knows..but I do know he separates us now in his tiny brain.  We are divided. 

It's such a great feeling that this little creature you've created, that you've grown inside of your own body, that you nurtured and loved for the past 10 weeks, can feel it.  Knows it.  Asks for it.  It's such a pleasure seeing him become alive and aware..so much more so than I would have thought..

Guest Post: Baby Sign Language

I did a post about baby sign language a few weeks ago and now have a guest post from the friendly folks over the www.babysignlanguage.com

As a former nanny who used BSL, I can tell you it was helpful (and so very cute to see tiny hands forming signs!) for both baby and me.  If you are thinking of introducing BSL, this post might interest you!

 

Baby Sign Language- The Value of Nannies and Babysitters

Caregivers have their own distinctive relationship with the children they care for day-to-day. Oftentimes, it is the nanny or the babysitter that reinforces the family, moral and educational values in a child. For this reason, nannies and babysitters play a crucial role in establishing a good foundation for effective learning of basic communication skills. 

Today many parents are in search of nannies that have well-rounded personalities and are proficient in areas such as foreign languages, mathematics and science. However, fluency in the techniques of baby sign language (BSL) is fast becoming a part of the required credentials for infant and toddler nannies.

As a nanny, it is quite possible to spend more time with your child than the actual parents. Caregivers are spending more and more time each day with the children they care because of working parents and time-consuming commitments. In order for a nanny to perform the required duties with a child, there must be a bond between the nanny and the child.

Teaching baby sign language will create and strengthen the nanny-child-bond, especially if the child is still in infancy. One of the primary frustrations of infants and toddlers rests in their inability to communicate. Signing for babies allows for effective communication of wants and needs, which ultimately fulfills an innate desire a child has to feel safe, accepted and loved when these needs are met. When a method of communication is established, the need is met, trust is built and the bond is strengthened.

Getting started is easy and requires only your commitment as a nanny. Although courses are available, they are not necessary. You can find basic words and their signs online as a place to start. Here are a few tips to remember as you begin teaching BSL:

• Introduce BSL Early- Six months is the recommended age to start however starting earlier won’t do any harm. It is however important to consider that you may become frustrated if the results are not as quick as expected if you are off to a super early start.
• Start Small. A good starting point is a commitment to teach the baby only five words. This will greatly reduce frustration and will allow you to remain focused
• Practice Repetition. Each time you perform the task for your chosen word, be sure to sign and speak it verbally. Be repetitive throughout the day on purpose. Repetition is a key component of BSL.
• Be Patient. Teaching your baby sign language is a process. They may not respond for months, but they are processing the information for sure so do not be discouraged.
• Make it Fun. Learning on any level is easier when it is more fun. Incorporate a word for one of the child’s favorite toys if possible.

In addition to enhancing the quality of life of babies under your care, baby sign language will reduce your frustration, enhance your resume as a caregiver and give your clients a value-add that will make a huge impact in the overall intellectual development of their child.

You can learn more about The Basics of Baby Sign Language by visiting www.babysignlanguage.com

It Goes By So Fast...

...so says the lady at the grocery store, at the mall, in the parking lot, at the deli counter..

Enjoy it, it goes by so fast!

Virtually every stranger-woman I've encountered has said this to me.

I don't want to hear it anymore.

I don't want to hear it because it's true.  I don't want to hear it because it's already been 2 months.  I don't want to hear it because I have a 2 month old in 6 month old clothing.  

I don't want to hear it because it breaks my heart.

The story is always the same.  A kindly lady pauses and peeks into the stroller, eyes crinkled, a smile, a soft intake of air before the breathy compliments begin.  

Lines on their faces tell their stories.  Their struggles and mishaps, the diaper changes and late night feedings they had so long ago.  The hand holding and afternoons spent at the library.  

In that moment, they are gazing on their own child, in their mind's eye, they see the past, their firstborn.  They are young again in that moment, the mothers, their hearts filling with love at every new coo and squeal.  Long before the age spots and wrinkles tarnished their beauty.

A pause: perhaps they are thinking about their own, where did the time go? How did she get so big? It was only yesterday..

It all happens in a second.

Then we make eye contact and I can see it: the heartache of time, the memories that life hands you as an eternal keepsake, the wishes that they could do it all again, the pain of motherhood that doesn't just stop at the delivery, but is part of a lifelong afterbirth.

The smile comes last, closed-lipped, the corners of the mouth turning delicately up, signaling longing.

Enjoy it, they say, enjoy it.

 

Do You Know This Book?

(Source)

Just continuing on our crying theme from yesterday, I forgot to list this one and this one is BIG.  It says the author is Robert Munsch, which must be the name the devil goes by when he's writing a book that mothers of little boys will read.  My mother had this book in the house while I was growing up.  I'd read it to my little brothers and get all teary.  How she had that in the house without turning into a pile of ash, I don't know.  

I took this book with me to school once in 11th grade and showed it to a very foxy young man a year younger than me.  We were sitting in science class, ignoring Mr. Werner as usual, when he read it. And burst into tears.  I'm not kidding.  This book can bring a 15 year old boy to his knees.  

Now I'm the old lady in the story.  I'm the one rocking the little boy throughout all the stages in his life.  I can't even read the darn thing now.  

Sometimes, if you're ever feeling emotionally constipated, read this book.  You'll be crying for days..

Tearfully Yours

How often do you cry?  

This is the question posed over on Delirious Rhapsody today.  (Check it out, you'll love it).  

I love crying and do it regularly.  It's very cleansing.  But I am not a beautiful crier.  Some people can leak tears and still maintain voice control.  I am not one of those people.  My voice gets all creaky and high pitched, my face scrunches up and the whole thing is really rated high on the make other people uncomfortable scale.  

During pregnancy, especially in the beginning, I actually cried less.  Brendan would peek over at me during a sad part in a movie, fully expecting to see my baby blues swimming in sadness, only to find them desert dry and glaring at him (I was really moody).  

There are, however, some things that make me cry.  Everytime. This is my list of movies, songs and whatever that drain me.  

-"Home" Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros 
-"Generator" Freelance Whales (when it was played on the Starbucks commercial I would weep even more because I was happy for them.)
-"Magic Box" Laurie Berkner (a children's song that makes me feel like I'm two steps from death and time has slipped away)
-Forrest Gump.  I've only seen it about 12 times, but for some reason always forget how it ends.  Jen-nay.
-The Huggies (?) commercial about every baby being a Little Miracle.  waaaaah!!
-Family reunions, but especially military family reunions.
-Parents meeting their new baby for the first time.
-Engagements and weddings, but really only if they are crying too.
-Watching anyone else cry makes me cry.  Once one of my students got in trouble for basically sexually harassing me.  He cried when he was talked to in front of me and the translator.  I had to take a sob break afterwards.  
-War movies. Saving Private Ryan is the worst.  I went to the theater to see it without having the slightest idea what it was about.  
-Anything that smacks of coincidence.  For example, two men meeting at a rental car company and realizing they are long lost twin brothers will make me cry.  I guess it's the beauty in things like that that does it.
-The Olympics and when the people win the Gold (especially if they are American but also if they are the underdogs.)
-The commercial with the really sad animals and the Sarah McLauchlin (sp?) song.


I should have known I was going to have a problem with crying when Edward Scissorhands traumatized me as a preteen.  

 So now I'm curious..What things make YOU cry?

Motherhood Misconceptions

Before I had Brixton, I had all these misconceptions and ideas about what motherhood was about, what it was like having a baby in the house and how I'd feel about all of it.  

Boy. Was I wrong!

Here's the good news, especially for you mothers-to-be: it's BETTER than I thought it would be!  Here's what I'm talkin' about:

#1 Thought: I am going to be exhausted all the time. The truth? I feel great!  And it's not because I have the perfect baby who always sleeps through the night.  Brixton always got up 2-3 times per night and still gets up twice.  Luckily, I have Mr. Awesome (aka Brendan) as a husband and he takes the first feeding of the night.  Most days I don't even nap because I'm just not that tired..and the weirdest thing of all..I feel better during the day when I get less sleep..it's when I can sleep in that I end up feeling like poo during the day.  

#2 Thought: I am not going to have any patience with my baby. I've had my moments, believe me.  They usually involve my shooing away our dog, Lola, with my foot while cursing our creaking hardwood floors.  I've had a few moments with Brixton too..moments where the crying has just. got. to. stop.  Most of those moments happened in the beginning.  Here was this new little creature in the house, I was getting used to it all, Brendan was getting used to it all.  It was hard sometimes.  But now, I've found this new spring of patience flowing up from some secret gland inside.  Really, I didn't know it was there.  And I swear it's only reserved for your own helpless children, because I didn't have this much patience while nannying (but, I did have patience then too, thank you very much). It's just different with your own little bean down there screaming, or leaking poo diapers, or scratching your face with his talons. 

#3 Thought: I'm going to get depressed/isolated/bored.  Nothing new about feeling like this, especially for new mommies.  I was afraid that I would get post-partum, since I am naturally an emotional (wreck) person and tend to slip into depression every now and then.  After a few weeks of crying at every little thing, very normal, now I just cry at every big thing, which is an upgrade.  I don't wash Brixton's hair in tears anymore.  I don't worry quite as much.  I'm feeling so so good, so blessed to be spending this time with him, soaking in his tininess and baby milk-breath and the creases of his fattening legs.  I love staying home.  I go days and days without even going to Target.  It's kind of awesome to live the life of an agoraphobic without actually being one.  

#4 Thought: Get me back to work as soon as possible!  I never thought I'd want to stay home.  I thought I'd stay the first few months and then find someone to watch him and work.  To be fair, these thoughts were far before I was pregnant.  I had no idea.  Now, the thought of leaving him at a daycare breaks my heart.  I'm so so so hoping to avoid that and trying to find something where I can either work from home or take little buddy with.   I know a lot of you mommas have to work and some of you don't want to.  My heart goes out to you. 


#5 Thought: I will get away from him every chance I get!  Call me a jerk, but I really did think this.  I thought I deserved all the breaks in the world and that I'd take them without a second thought.  I'm finding that's not the case.  Brendan's been asking me for about 2 weeks now if I'd like to go to a Zumba class, but I just keep finding excuses not to go.  Don't get me wrong, I have gone and done my own thing and it was glorious. But after the nail polish dries on that pedi or your double mocha latte whatever is cold, you have this weird feeling~

I miss you little guy.

And then you just want to go home. Back to gummy screams, back to leaky diapers, back to cracked hands from washing bottles.  Yep. This is the life.

 

Button Button Who's Got the Button?

I do!

Come and get your Brixton Makes Three button!  Woot Woot!

I'm 2 Months Old Today!

Hey guys, it's me.  Brixton.

I'm two months old today.  I'm feeling pretty great about it, especially with all the new things I can do.  My mom thinks I'm a genius, and because I am, I'll just let her think that.  I like to suck on my hands now, stick out my tongue and smile.  Smiling is so much fun.  I smile at my teddy bear mobile, my star mobile, my mommy, my daddy, my doggy and especially my shaking zebra.

I like to talk now too.  I make lots of noises and I squeal when I'm excited!  I love baths, they make me nice and calm.  I'm always really, really hungry.  Probably because I'm growing so fast that I already don't fit into my 0-3 month clothes.  Mommy says that makes her sad.  

I sleep only in my crib now and most of the time don't use my paci.  Mommy doesn't like the paci and wants me to learn to fall asleep by myself.  Most of the time I can 'cuz I'm a big boy now! Or maybe because I'm just really tired.

Mommy loves to hold and kiss me.  She kisses me a lot and if you want to know the truth, it's gross.  Well, if you really want to know the truth, I love it.  Especially when she makes the buzzy bee noise and then kisses me.  I always reward her with a smile for that.

My neck is getting really strong, but it still flops around quite a bit.  I'm getting the hang of using the Baby Bjorn and recently I've taken an interest in the flora and fauna of our neighborhood.  At night, I like to smile at mommy when she's feeding me.  She tries not to smile back because she doesn't want to give me the idea that 3 am is a good time for playing, but sometimes (most times) she can't help it.

Well, here are some pictures of me from this morning.  Mommy says I'm really handsome and that she loves me more than she loves sleeping.  And she really loves to sleep.  

Mommy says these next pictures want to make her head explode with love.

Ka-Boom!!

Something Stinks...

..and it's me.

Ok. Confession time folks: I reek.

This is new for me since becoming pregnant. I actually need (really, really need) deodorant.  My whole life, including puberty, I wasn't a stinky person.  I never really wore deodorant and didn't need to.  I rarely had anyone give me a heads up that I smelled like garbage and if they did it was probably because they got too close after a day of me wearing a poly-blend shirt.  

And..maybe another confession..I hate showering.  Maybe not the shower part so much as the doing my hair after.  Ugh.  It just seems so time consuming and a pain.  Yes, I've invested in a shower cap, which is used a lot, but still, I only shower about 2-4 times a week.  My longest stint without?  Probably about 5 days and yes, I went into public.  

Sorry public.

But then again, I'm not sorry, because I'm telling you--I didn't stink!  I've always owned a stick of deodorant, you know, just in case.  I went through a Whole Foods phase (think Hemp lotion and Tom's Natural Deodorant)for a while.  I'm convinced that Tom's actually makes you stink.  I don't think they mean the ingredients are natural, I think they mean the deodorant is going to make you smell natural (read: like a hippie).  I had a roommate once that used Tom's.  B and I called her The Onion.  The house smelled like onions constantly from her pits.  She showered every day too.  Tom's sounds like a good idea, but trust me, it isn't (unless, of course, you want to smell like an onion or a hippie).

Then I got pregnant and something funny started to happen.

I'd give B a hug and he'd pull away with a stink face.  His eyes would travel down to my armpit and then he'd carefully ask, "When was the last time you showered?"  Sometimes it was just a few hours after a shower.  When I started smelling myself, I knew we had a problem.  It didn't seem to matter what kind of soap I used or if the pits had been shaved or not.  The stink was from within.

So now I am forced to step up my hygiene habits.  More showers, deodorant..what is this world coming to?

Did this happen to anyone else after they had a baby?

Off to take a shower... 

Happy Birthday America!

Dear Brixton,

You are an American.  What does it mean to be an American?  The answer isn't easy, but that's part of being an American.  We are the original melting pot.  The place were people come to, people from all over the world.  America is somewhere where you can go to a restaurant and see all kinds of different people enjoying a meal. You hear a lot of different languages spoken in America.  Many people only speak English, but this is changing.  I think a lot of Americans speak another language too..be it Spanish, German, French, Arabic or Chinese.  

Being an American doesn't need to mean being ignorant (an often true stereotype).  It means opportunity to learn.  To explore this vast land and its numerous landscapes.  To talk to someone different from you and ask about them.  To travel to other countries sans fanny pack, university t-shirt and white sneakers (another American stereotype).  

America is a paradox.  We love our freedom and rights and apply them to everything humanly possible, yet we don't seem to vote for politicians (on either side...and as an American, you might wonder why we only get two choices) that don't seem interested in protecting them.  We are so large in size and population, but still so small minded when it comes to certain things.  We have access to healthy, smart diets, but make bad choices..leading to our obese status. Being an American means ordering hot coffee, spilling it on yourself and then suing because it was too hot.

One day you will notice other countries don't make war movies like we do.  We love our military.  We are a military country, something seen as dangerous in other countries, but patriotic here.  Please don't join.  (I don't want to worry about you!)

Even with her faults, we should love our country and take pride in her.  America has a lot of potential. 

Another year older, not much wiser..happy birthday America..

Love,

Mommy

Ghost Baby

Something must happen to a mama's hearing after she has a baby.

At night, I always wake up when I hear the first little whimpers and groans coming from Brixton's room.  At first, this was because the baby monitor was on about 6 inches from my ear, but now, because I loathe my monitor so much and don't care to use it at night, I'm just using my super-human ears.

Many nights I wake up Brendan to let him know the baby is up and ready for his feeding.  This is remarkable because I wear ear plugs to bed.

Yep. Every night.

It's been a (bad?) habit for about 13 years now.  I can't sleep without them and the times I've found myself ear plug-less haven't gone so well.  It started all those years ago when I still lived with my parents.  I was sleeping out on our screened porch and the neighbors were having a party.  I found some earplugs, popped them in and marveled at how well rested I felt the next morning.  

I've slept through earthquakes, my car window getting shot out, helicopters flying overhead. One thing I can't sleep through: my crying baby.  I hear him every time. 

There's something else though and I wonder if it happens to you too--

Sometimes I think I hear Brixton crying.  I'm so sure I hear him, geez, he sounds hysterical!  He's so upset! He must have pinched his arm or maybe a bee stung him! I feel the anxiety hit me, the adrenalin of getting out of bed rushes in.

Then I take out a plug and glance at the monitor (which I fully expect to be lighting up bright red with fury) and...all is silent.

But, I could have sworn I heard him!

Do you ever hear a ghost baby?