How to Make a Baby

Well, obviously (and more so, hopefully) you already know how to make a baby.  In fact, some of you know so much about baby makin' that you've really succeeded for years in how not to make a baby.

But that part of the process isn't what I'm talking about.

On our third date, I told Brendan if he wanted a family, that he should move on because, I didn't want kids. He was okay with that.  We planned on lots of travel, ridiculously expensive dinners out, Nordstrom shopping trips once a month (well, that part was me)and a new bike for Brendan every six months or so (is it me or does that seem to happen anyway?).

Now, my reasoning for my feelings was simple: I have never been a person who adored babies and children & I had worked as a nanny through college (and beyond..sigh).  Those two things seem to contradict themselves, but I did adore a lot of the little ones I watched and some of them I partially blame for the current state of my stomach.  Working as a nanny really was eye-opening to how hard it is to be with a baby/toddler all the time.  Yes, they are adorable, but it's not all rainbows and fluffy kittens.  They are loud, demanding, annoying and sometimes evil (and yes, a lot of really great traits too).  I was convinced I didn't want one.

Brendan and I married.  I had a teaching job.  Life was goin' just fine.  Poolside in Las Vegas was when the facade started to crack (and mind you this was just weeks after the wedding).  The conversation went to Babyland and the possibility of one or two kids.  But in a few years.  I was 29 at the time and I guess starting to panic a bit because the idea of waiting 7 more years or something put me into the "older mother" zone(NOTE: I didn't say "old" so nobody get their feathers all ruffled.)  I always had a fear of having a baby after 35 and felt for me, the younger I was the better for everyone.

Through the next few years we went back and forth.  Nothing was right.  We quit our jobs in the beginning of the recession, not realizing in our bubble of comfort how bad things were.  We didn't have health insurance.  We lived in a somewhat/sometimes bad neighborhood in San Diego.  But then, two things happened:

1.  I was at a dinner while visiting my family in NorCal.  My Grandma was there, along with two of her sons, my mom, my brothers, my aunt and uncle and some others.  I remember thinking, we are all here at this table because of my Grandma.  If I don't have kids or at least a kid, it will just be me at the table.  That was a poignant thought. I am well aware that just having kids doesn't guarantee that life is going to turn out like an episode of "Parenthood", and your kids might not even like you, but it sure ups the odds.

2.  Being unable to find a teaching job, I turned back to an old friend, nannying.  I worked for a single-mama with a little tiny baby girl, Isabella.  Isabella and I were together about 10+ hours a day, five days a week.  I was there when she took her first steps, ate her first solids, saw her first lion at the zoo.  When we went to baby classes and she got scared, she ran to me for comfort.  I sang to her, danced with her, put her to sleep.  And then I started thinking I was missing out on something beautiful.  

But, it takes two to tango and strangely enough, to make a baby.  I had to get Brendan on board and I wasn't getting any younger.  We talked about it a lot.  The timing was never right, but I knew it never would be.  We actually thought we had a plan, to get pregnant about now, or to try for a summer baby to be born in 2012.  We knew what we were doing when little baby was made, but I don't think we really knew it would work or that anything would happen.  We certainly didn't look at the timing.  So in that way, it was an accident. A happy accident!

So, for me, how to make a baby took this formula:

 *one handsome, kind and loyal husband.
 *spending a lot of time with a baby that's not yours but you like to pretend it is.
 *one ticking biological clock
 *losing it all and then getting it back a little bit
 *seeing how special family can be


I love you baby Brixton!  And I love you Brendan for being flexible with our plans for our life.  Plus, you're gonna be an awesome Daddy...