A few things before we get started today:
1. I've gotten quite a few new followers during the past week or two and I wanted to say hi and thank you for following my blog!
2. That being said, today's entry isn't going to be very uplifting, though it will be very honest. And maybe some of you will even identify with it.
3. Below are also some 37 week photos, taken this past weekend, which we can look at to start things off on a positive note..before things stop being polite and start getting real. *smirk*
The girl on the left is carefree, thinks she's "huge", and clearly believes the world is her oyster.
The girl on the right now knows the truth about why the third trimester is so dreaded and this huge belly and the reality of waking up 5 times a night to hoist her belly over to the other side.
Girl on right would also like to slap girl on left.
I'm depressed. It started a few days ago and I'm not sure why. It has nothing to do really with my pregnancy ending or not feeling prepared. I just lost about 90% of my excitement. And I know that sounds really bad, but it's the truth. I'm crying a lot more, feeling anxious and confused, not feeling supported and just in a general funk. And now I'm worrying about labor, not the pain of it, but just the task. Task is the perfect work. I feel so detached from everything all of a sudden that it all seems like a task.
Has anyone else had this?
Every time Brix moves I try to feel excited, but honestly, it's just like...blah. A blah reaction. I'm feeling really bummed on my spouse. Even my dog is giving me anxiety.
I did some Googling today, and found that end of pregnancy depression is fairly common, but it's also a pre-indicator of postpartum. Great. I wouldn't be surprised, since I've dealt with depression issues before, but I was feeling so good and now I'm feeling so low.
Anyone else go through this? I know it's kind of personal and doesn't really make your nomination for mommy of the year look valid, but I need to know the joy is going to return.
:-(
***UPDATED: December 29th 2011***
I get so many people who stumble onto this post by Googling "End of pregnancy depression" and seeing that in my statistics report breaks my heart. If that's YOU, and you are feeling down, please know that it gets better..much, much better. 3 days after I originally posted this I had my baby boy and here we are almost 8 months later and things are great. Also know that I have literally had dozens (hundreds maybe?) of people who have viewed this page because of searching..so you are not alone and what you are experiencing is something that many, many other ladies have gone through!
Leave me a note, I'd love to hear from you!
***UPDATED: December 29th 2011***
I get so many people who stumble onto this post by Googling "End of pregnancy depression" and seeing that in my statistics report breaks my heart. If that's YOU, and you are feeling down, please know that it gets better..much, much better. 3 days after I originally posted this I had my baby boy and here we are almost 8 months later and things are great. Also know that I have literally had dozens (hundreds maybe?) of people who have viewed this page because of searching..so you are not alone and what you are experiencing is something that many, many other ladies have gone through!
Leave me a note, I'd love to hear from you!
at the end of my pregnancy with gage, i had convinced myself that i was going to die while i was in labor. some nights i would get so angry with peppy for being able to sleep when i was going to die. soon!
ReplyDeletei know our situations aren't really the same, but i just wanted to share that to show you just how crazy preggo hormones can make you.
hang in there, mama. it gets better!
Oh, Kelley, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. For the record, I think it's probably normal - you and your body are EXHAUSTED which makes everything seem so much harder then it should be and sucks any excitement you could possibly have out of the big event. Hopefully, it won't be as long-term as you fear - maybe when you finally see little Brixton you'll feel a little better. I wish I was there so I could give you a hug!
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to what your feeling. I am almost 33 weeks and thru the majority of my pregnancy I have felt that way. Don't get me wrong, I am excited to meet our new little boy, but some how the anxiety of it all has placed a shadow on it. I do believe though, that this shall pass.....as I know it will for you as well.
ReplyDelete:0)
Perfectly normal.
ReplyDeleteAnd postpartum depression is common, too, so if it develops you should know there is a giant Internet full of people to support you through it -- and you will get through it.
The last few weeks of my pregnancy I was scared out of my mind. Scared I wouldn't be able to do the things I always did (I used to say, "This is the last time I'm going to ..."), scared I would have to have a C-section (I did, and it wasn't that bad) and scared that I wouldn't be a good mother (the jury's still out on that one, but I think I'm doing just fine!).
I think you're tepid feelings might be your way of taming yourself for the true excitement that's to come because you are so freaking tired from the pregnancy. Try not to fret too much about it.
It's totally normal... and the key is continuing to reach out and talk about it. So you are doing the right thing.
ReplyDeleteI remember the day I decided to start my maternity leave... I was so down. I felt like the smallest person in front of the biggest battle possible. I felt almost alien in comparison to the world and the people I was interacting with so I decided to just stay home. It was odd.
Hours after Eleanor was born I told Nathan, I never thought she was real until now. And it was true though I never admitted it. I had nourished her and felt her move and had prepared for her arrival but a part of me was detached from the reality that we were going to be living.
A big part of any of my sadness or detachment at times I think had to do with my support network. I had the blog world and that was pretty much it (and my husband of course). And even though I knew I had him to support me there were so many times I questioned whether he was going to be strong enough to support me through labor and delivery. I cried a lot about the birth I wanted and simultaneously the birth I was sure I would never be able to accomplish.
Basically it's really easy to detach yourself and become sad about something that is so monumental. In my head at times I thought well if I don't get excited about something then I won't have to deal with it. Especially with your hormones being where they are now and your body at its fullest capacity it is totally normal to feel anxiety. Keep talking about it, breathing (I listened to this cd a lot - http://www.amazon.com/Relaxation-Expectant-Mothers-Audio-CD/dp/0966306988 - and it helped to calm me down especially those nights with no sleep, and accepting yourself. You are not a bad person or mother for feeling this way. You can do this. It will be hard at times but most things worth anything are. *hugs*
same thing happened to me and my friend is going through the same thing too. i think its very normal
ReplyDeleteThis will pass Kelley, I promise. I had some post-partum the first 2 or 3 months after Kanan was born. But I didn't take any meds and I got through it. Just blog, get support from friends and the hubs, and eat right. Don't take any anti-depressants if you get post-partum. Those drugs cause more problems then they solve. Theres no chemical imbalance. It's just hormones. And they calm down after a while. I love you friend! Chin up! And thank you for your honesty! P.S---love the two girls at the top of the blog today. So true!
ReplyDeleteIch kann das alles nachempfinden. Du bist nicht alleine mit deinen Gefühlen!
ReplyDeleteIch hatte schreckliche Rückenschmerzen und wollte, dass meine Babys sogar ein paar Wochen früher herausgeholt werden. Dann wurden die Schmerzen besser und ich habe doch noch etwas länger ausgehalten. Die Babys kamen dennoch zu früh auf die Welt und mussten 3 Wochen im Krankenhaus bleiben... Dann dachte ich, dass ich mich doch gerne ein wenig länger mit dem riesigen Bauch gequält hätte, um den Kindern das zu ersparen. Es war so traurig ohne Kinder nach Hause zu kommen, als ob ich gar nicht entbunden hätte :-(
Ich wünsche Dir alles Gute noch für die letzten Wochen, halte durch!
Liebe Grüße,
Elina
When I had my son, I was in love immediately. I loved him to the very core of my being, I felt bonded to him immediately. When my daughter came along, 22 months later, we were realizing my son had some issues. I had so much GUILT. What was I doing, bringing this little thing into the world when he needed me so much? I felt like the world's worst mother because I didn't feel attached to her. I talked to my OB and was diagnosed with PPD. A few weeks later, that little thing smiled at me in the middle of the night in the middle of a feeding and I was hooked. All hers. She is our joy, our sunshine - and the person who needed her most, after all? Her brother.
ReplyDeleteThe joy will come back. :)
what you are feeling is totally normal. you are raging with crazy hormones right now. at the end of my pregnancy with Lily i just wanted her out. out!!!!
ReplyDeleteReading everyone's supportive words and stories makes me feel a little better..like I'm not alone! And it must be so hormone related because I'm feeling a bit more optimistic today. Still detached, but at least with a pulse.
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone. I also have to say that I know I AM supported. By old friends, new friends, blog friends, family and of course, Brendan. Sometimes knowing you are and feeling you are can be two different things, but I don't want to seem ungrateful for people's kindness or anything.
I have been sluggish throughout this pregnancy, but cheerful the past few weeks. This week, I am a mess. (due any day now) Just reading your update mentioning people who google search "depression at the end of pregnancy" made me burst into tears! I'm hoping these horomones clear up soon, but I have a history of depression and am hoping I'm not headed down that road again! Anywho... Thanks for posting.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you found my post, though I'm sorry you cried! Oh, hormones, right?? I should edit this post again because I was diagnosed with major depression about 7 months after birth..nothing to fear though..just be aware of the signs. Congrats on your pregnancy and best of luck with your new baby!
DeleteI just reached 34 weeks into my pregnancy, and the sadness and anxiety seem to have sprung up overnight.
ReplyDeleteUp until now I have been elated, I felt a great sense of purpose in life. Every little squirm and kick made me feel love for my little guy, and a sense of everything being right in the world.
I guess now that the reality of parenthood is setting in, I just don't feel the 'magic' anymore.
I'm worried about his health, if he will be ok, will he be a good kid, will he have a good life, will he hate his parents, will he be picked on in school??! Will I be a good mom?! Hopefully I can go back to enjoying each moment as it comes..
Hi Anon,
DeleteWith pregnancy comes an overwhelming sense of anxiety and worry--especially when the magnitude sets in of what you are about to embark on. The first few months can feel especially overwhelming. Know that this is NORMAL and it does get better. Luckily we don't have to deal with everything at once, as life is a bit spaced out as far as time goes! Just the fact that you are thinking of these things proves that you will be a good mom. Don't compare yourself or your son to others...just be as confident in your decisions as you can be..babies and kids are very flexible and resilient. You are going to be awesome, I promise! (Even though you are utterly going to mess up too..we all do!!!!) xo -Kelley
Found this post googling "end of pregnancy depression." I'm sitting here at 36.5 weeks, with heartburn, unable to breathe, constipated, nauseous, swollen, exhausted but cannot lay down (due to heartburn/unable to breathe when laying down), feeling like I look positively disgusting. I want to have a better attitude, but I also want to cry. I also need to write about 100 thank you cards and pack the hospital bag and clean and cook some freezer meals, but I just can't get motivated. Hoping the nesting instinct will kick in soon. I just keep telling myself that this is temporary and normal and in a few weeks I'll have a perfect little baby boy in my arms & it will all be worth it.
ReplyDeleteHi Anon! I had horrible heartburn too---I used to actually sleep with Tums in my mouth, so I feel your pain. Pack your hospital bag, forget the thank you cards (people will understand!), cry if you need to! It will all be worth it when you have your little guy. My "baby" is 3 now--it's crazy how fast they grow. It's okay to feel depressed or unmotivated or whatever right now! You are going to be a GREAT mama! Best of luck!
DeleteI know how u feel this is my four child and me and my husband and 8yr old and 1and 2 yr old are staying with my mom while our house gets ready I'm due literally any day and I feel like cramp I can't stop crying constantly fighting with my spouse about small nothing's kids driving me nuts knowing my mom is ready for us to leave must I go on I'm so depressed and it doesn't help I am a depressed person I see a doctor for it but its like I just don't know if I'm coming or going I had to Google and see is it normal to feel crazy at the end of your pregnancy and I'm glad to know I'm not alone
ReplyDeleteThis is my 3rd baby and I feel like this is my hardest pregnancy. I just reached 37 weeks and my older children are 2 and 4. It's so hard being this pregnant, cleaning up the house, and taking care of the kids! My boyfriend and I have been fighting for the last couple of days. My parents aren't taking the kids like they normally do on the weekends! I just feel so depressed and emotional and I feel like nobody wants to help me. I'm just ready to get this baby out. I've lost interest in my pregnancy. I hope I'm not losing interest in the baby too.
ReplyDelete