A Post About Nothing Really

I have a long list of enemies.  Near the top of that list is the three year old girl who lives above us and stomps around on our heads all the time.  She's only my enemy when I don't see her in person though, otherwise she's really adorable.  

Spiders and bugs of any kind are probably at the top of the list, with spiders winning the top spot by a mile.  Anything with skinny, spindly legs is not my friend, anything that spins a web or traps food to suck its blood out is not going to survive if I see it.  

They terrify me. 

Case in point, a few weeks ago I was sitting in our closet packing for our Seattle trip.  I'm a VERY organized packer.  I make a list of each day's outfit and accessories so I know exactly what I need and what I don't.  I had my little notepad and pen out and was writing something when I realized there was movement on my foot. 

Looking down, I could see the Dark Moving Thing before I actually focused my eyes on it.  I screamed, a total and complete movie scream, with raspy throat and wide open mouth.  Simultaneously, I threw the pen and paper, kicked my foot around wildly and gathered all of myself onto the chair.   

Brendan, fearing the worst, came running down the stairs.  I felt a little sheepish when I admitted that the big to-do was just that a bug crawled over my foot.  Since he was there though, I made him hunt for it in the closet.  Turns out it was one of those huge black ants.  About an inch long.  Ugh.

But then there are flies.  I HATE flies.  First it's the buzzing, like they are waving it in your face that they are in your territory.  Second, they are just ugly.  Third, when I was younger I heard everywhere they land they puke a little bit on.  I don't know if that's true or not, but it's disgusting.  Lastly, I hate flies because I can't catch them.

I had a run in with a fly today.  It was the deepest ebony and fat like a flying grape.  It buzzed around confidently and proudly, smacking its stupid fly head into the window.  *ping*  *ping*  

Finally, I had had enough.  I gathered up my white dishcloth and started pursuing it.  I probably made quite a spectacle of myself at our front windows, where, despite my human sized brain and intellect, I tried unsuccessfully for a full 15 minutes to knock the flying grape out of the air.  I started wearing the dishcloth in my waistband so that if I was in another section of the house and I heard it, I would be prepared.  

But I knew that all had gone too far when I found myself talking to the fly.  "Well, well, well.  Who do we have here?" I said out loud when I discovered the fly by the front door.  It buzzed around, causing me to turn a full 360 degrees before it outwitted me once again and got away.  

Flies are vain creatures though.  I sat down to type this post and the fly came over to read what I wrote about it.  It was all cocky, getting close the screen (they are very near-sighted).  It forgot I still had that darn white dishtowel tucked in my waistband.  

*Smack*

It may have taken an hour, but the human prevailed.