That's how she introduced herself.
Twice in the past week I've met two women that felt compelled to identify themselves by their birth stats. Seriously? This is the first impression you want to make? Here's how it went:
"My husband and I are into salsa dancing (me--fun!), organic-gardening (interesting!) and traveling (me too!). I had an unmedicated water birth (uuuuuuuuuuuugh)."
Is this really how anyone needs to introduce themselves? Because instantly, in that one moment I lost interest. I am not interested in urban mommy warfare. I don't play the I-can-out-organic-you game. Oh, you weren't trying to be smug? Well sorry, because that's how it comes across. I didn't introduce myself as "I like roller-skating, reading, writing and I had dreadfully slow labor followed by an epidural, pitocin and morphine to take the edge off my c-section. Nice to meet you." Even if I had given birth unmedicated on a rocket ship to Mars I wouldn't introduce myself that way.
Can you imagine those playgroup sessions if we did label ourselves like that?
Me: Hey, have you talked to Unmedicated For 15 Hours Then HAD to Get the Epidural lately?
Unmedicated Water Birth: No, but Emergency C-Section told me she talked to her last week and she's fine.
Foreceps Delivery: Ladies! So good to see you! Did Labored Naturally For 20 Hours Then Had to Have a C-Section text you?
Me: Yeah, she's running late picking up Home Birth.
Is it wrong to be proud of how you gave birth? No, but it's lame to use that in your just met someone bio. Save it for another time, when I already have a pretty solid idea of who you are beyond labor.
Sorry, that's just been irking me lately. It's one of the worst things about being a mom/blogging/life. The pointless competition and attempts to out-do each other. Okay, okay, maybe I'm being a little too harsh, I do still want to get to know this person and be friends, maybe she was nervous or it just felt like something she wanted to share--checking to see if I'd eyeball her like she is a crazy person or if I'd understand that kind of birth experience.
Still.
Totally weird, and unfortunately more and more common in new mom circles. No matter how our babies came out of us, it doesn't really matter in the end as long as they came out healthy. (and that kind of information shouldn't be anywhere near one's intro to a potential new friend.) Yikes.
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Mom Who Gave Birth to Three Children in a Birthing Center Wearing a Bad Hospital Gown Screaming My Head Off EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Hincks
Dear MWGBTTCIABCWABHGSMYOEST,
DeleteJust wanted to type that out.
Love you.
P.S. I think almost all of my friends gave birth unmedicated. I'm serious. I have awesome friends. That includes friends who gave birth through their freaking stomachs too.
Well I haven't given birth, but after talking to two of my best gals last night who have given birth I am convinced I will be Mom Who Took A Dump While Trying To Push Slimy Alien Baby Out. And yes, I will open most conversations with that. Just because it's awesome. OK. It won't be. And I know there are waaaay more scarier things to be nervous about when they lovely time comes for me...but pooping while giving birth is in the top ten.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can be C-Section Because I Didn't Want to Poop While Pushing. That can be an alternate name if you end up needing a c-section (which I genuinely hope you never do).
DeleteUgh, I don't know if I'd be able to get past that introduction to give her a second shot. Bragging and/or fishing for compliments or accolades = unattractive, no matter the context.
ReplyDelete"Hi, I like water skiing, obscure jazz ... and I got a 1600 on my SATs and graduated magna cum laude from Harvard."
"Hi, I like pina coladas, hiking ... and I gave birth upside down while singing Kumbaya at the top of my lungs."
NOT COOL.
SO NOT COOL.
DeleteKinda desperate? Maybe.
Trying too hard? Def.
You are so right! I swear some people do that stuff just to say they did it so they can feel superior to everyone else who had medication or c-sections.
ReplyDeleteFuck that, I totally rule with my three day induction followed by a partial crowning turned emergency c because my placenta started to tear!
Yeah, uh huh, that's right all you sweet, organic crazy smug mommies! Give me drugs and scalpels!
And I totally wanted to go unmedicated with Afton, but screw that, I'm a wimp I guess. Either that or pitocin kicked my uterus. Hmm...
Wow, your name would be TDIFBAPCTECBMPSTT.
DeleteThat's intense.
Hehehe. I too have come across some ladies like this.
ReplyDeleteI've also come across some downright competitive mothers. And they either tend to have had THE BEST birthing experience with no drugs and quick labours where they sneezed and the baby just popped out, or they have had THE WORST experience with days of labour and every possible problem. It doesn't matter if you had it good, they had it better. And if you had it bad, they had it worse.
My labor wasn't the easiest by any stretch of the imagination. It was long and complicated, but it's called labor for a reason! And I, like you, wouldn't want to define myself by that.
Some folks are just plain weird. x
Labor is a drop in the bucket compared to life. I don't know why people get so completely hung up on it.
DeleteThis is SO TRUE.
ReplyDeleteI think when we are all adjusting to mothering, we just don't know who we are and how to identify ourselves anymore. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in all things motherhood that introducing ourselves via birth stories seems...normal. She probably just needs a nice, normal, level-headed friend like you. (I say this because I turned into a WEIRDO after my first kid and had no friends with babies for a few months...I KNOW I said shit like that. But I'm totally normal now..haha ;)
Anyhoo, you are totally correct. The one-upmanship that comes from mothering is awful. Gah.
Signed,
Two vaginal births with glorious epidurals and one c-section because my last baby flipped (unbeknownst to me) the night before my water broke.
Dear TVBWGEAOCBMYBFTNBMWB,
DeleteYeah, I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. We've all said some pretty stupid stuff at one time or another, so maybe it was a one-off.
two vaginal deliveries. both with epidurals. first delivery with TWO epidurals.
ReplyDeleteduh. that's how i introduce myself. and i OWN that name.
Oh, I'm so embarrassed, I've been calling you Deanna this whole time!
DeleteI agree, it's annoying...I know someone that always brings up the fact that she gave birth w/o drugs..who cares? I love my epidural! Lol...and I can't wait to ask for it this time as soon as I get settled in my room..my hospital room, not my bedroom :)
ReplyDeleteMARSE!! I miss you! Your time is coming soon! I can't wait to find out what you are having! (I'm rooting for a little girl. A tiny Marci..awww)
DeleteOh this made my day!!
ReplyDeleteThat makes ME happy! :-)
DeleteYou are awesome!
ReplyDeleteSincerely, I had pictocin, and epidural, and an emergency c-section, supplemented with formula, quit pumping/brestfeeding all together at 3 months, and I don't make homemade baby food!
And it's so weird, because I bet your baby is absolutely thriving despite not having everything all "perfect!"
DeleteThankfully, someone said it! I hate "mommy warfare" games. Great post!
ReplyDeleteTracie
crackyouwhip.blogspot.com
yep, I seriously didn't know about how moms compete over everything...totally stinks. I'm not playing.
DeleteOh lady, I feel your pain. The moms at my son's preschool are the exact same way. Drives me bonkers!
ReplyDeleteGreat..can't wait for that next stage..bragging over whose kid draws a better rainbow..:-)
Deletewait until Brixton gets bigger and then all you will hear is " my kid goes to this daycare, where does your kid go?" ugh!
ReplyDeletei think at this point, we have all kinda had it with other mothers. i know i have!
It's too bad, really. It's a bad impression to give off and just alienates people..
DeleteThe same exact thing happened to me Saturday at the museum! "Oh, your daughters are beautiful! Aren't kids the best? I gave birth to both of mine completely natural, 40 hours of labor altogether but SO worth it!".
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, well who gives a shit? I'm trying to enjoy the day with my kids, not hear stories about your vagina thank you very much! And I agree with LML right up above me, school age is ever WORSE!! Every time I go to Isabelle's school I get to listen to the other mothers having a pissing contest over whose kid got honor roll, who's nominated for Student of the Month, etc. It's such wasteful energy and I have to remind myself that these women are obviously seriously lacking something in their lives to need this kind of validation.
Yours,
Two vaginal deliveries, one induced, both with glorious epidurals that made the births peaceful and relaxing, no episiotomies or hemorrhoids later.
LOL! I can't believe how she just worked that in there! Maybe she was taking a dare from someone to mention something about her vagina to a stranger. I'm just trying to think outside the box here..no pun intended. Hee hee.
DeleteI'm really proud of the fact that I gave birth naturally and med-free...but I certainly wouldn't introduce myself in that way!!
ReplyDeleteAnd you should be proud of that. It's awesome. And it's awesome you know that's not the way to introduce yourself!!
DeleteI like you. thank you for writing this!
ReplyDeleteI'm actually proud of my c-section scar... maybe at the next introduction session you can just lift your shirt up and show off the scar? and then say "take that!"