Friday Night's Dream

Let me start by saying I have always had vivid, weird dreams, so pregnancy hasn't changed that one bit.  But this dream was so horrible and such a good reminder at the same time, that I just feel like sharing...

In the dream...

Brendan had gone into a swamp, called McGroggy Swamp and had been missing for three days.  I was watching news footage of the rescue efforts from a hotel room with my mother-in-law.  I had no hope.  I knew he was gone.  I felt like I was suffocating.  

I went outside of the hotel and started screaming and crying.  Praying to God.  "Please let him be okay! I can't do this without him! Please please please."  The silence of the night was the only answer.  I felt like this was one situation that had no solution.  There was no pleading my case or making a few calls to see what I could do.  It was done.  It couldn't be changed.  He was gone.  

I thought about him all alone in the swamp.  Was he scared? Was he cold?  Did he suffer?  I thought about how all Brixton would know of his Daddy would be the goofy pics we have together, showing a smiling face that Brixton would never get to touch.  How I would forever mourn the loss of my first B.  

Then I woke up...

Instantly started hyperventilating and sobbing at the same time.  Poor Brendan (who actually was just sleeping beside me and not lost in McGroggy Swamp) thought I was going into labor. I could barely get the story out without having to interrupt it with fresh tears because it felt so real and it felt so horrible.  And I was so glad it wasn't.  So glad he's with me.   

I know it was just a dream, but it made a little change in me.  Now I say I love you every morning and night.  I'm being more patient and less crabby.  I'm remembering that feeling of emptiness from the dream. I don't ever want to lose my B.

Just want to remind you to love the people in your life, especially your significant other, who it seems like it's so easy to get comfortable with--and sometimes in a bad way where you start to take their presence for granted. Imagine your life if they suddenly were taken away from you and all that would imply.  Think about the impact in your child's life if you have children together.  

Saturday morning...

many of us were sadly greeted by the news of the events in Japan.  Many people were facing the horror of losing loved ones, like I had just experienced in my dream.  But their pain and grief was real.  They had no idea that was coming.  And we don't either.  Just make sure you focus more on love and not on the petty things in life that surely don't matter...