Brixton had a rough night. Well, he did with Brendan anyway. It seems like he saves all of the rough stuff for Brendan: leaky diapers, horrible poos, fussiness, not sleeping, etc.
Last night, around the 3 am feeding, I heard crying. Lots of crying. And a light was on, which means something big was happening. I went into Brix's room to find him screeching into Brendan's tired, frustrated face. Brendan was holding him and pacing the room, having already fed him, changed him and taken his temperature. I tapped Brendan out, told him I'd try for a bit as it seems babies know just the change in the vibe and energy of a person and this can help calm them.
He came to me.
Cried for another few seconds, then settled into the crook of my neck. Silence. I bobbed him around the room a bit, then handed him back to Brendan.
Brixton instantly started crying again.
Awkward.
Brendan's face looked so hurt. Well, hurt in a "it's 3 am and I'm tired and bummed my baby doesn't settle down when I hold him" kind of way. I took Brixton back and he was quiet again. Brendan went to bed without saying anything. I felt so bad for him.
But can I tell you a secret?
I was so excited too!
Not, of course, that Brendan was a little hurt, but by the fact that Brixton knows me! He recognizes me and he loves me and he wants me to hold him and love him. Not only that, but this signals some sort of consciousness on his part, a preference. Maybe he just wanted to nestle into my softness, my mommy smell of old milk and dirty hair. Maybe Daddy's hairy arms and scratchy beard were too much for him that night. Who knows..but I do know he separates us now in his tiny brain. We are divided.
It's such a great feeling that this little creature you've created, that you've grown inside of your own body, that you nurtured and loved for the past 10 weeks, can feel it. Knows it. Asks for it. It's such a pleasure seeing him become alive and aware..so much more so than I would have thought..
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