Motherhood Misconceptions

Before I had Brixton, I had all these misconceptions and ideas about what motherhood was about, what it was like having a baby in the house and how I'd feel about all of it.  

Boy. Was I wrong!

Here's the good news, especially for you mothers-to-be: it's BETTER than I thought it would be!  Here's what I'm talkin' about:

#1 Thought: I am going to be exhausted all the time. The truth? I feel great!  And it's not because I have the perfect baby who always sleeps through the night.  Brixton always got up 2-3 times per night and still gets up twice.  Luckily, I have Mr. Awesome (aka Brendan) as a husband and he takes the first feeding of the night.  Most days I don't even nap because I'm just not that tired..and the weirdest thing of all..I feel better during the day when I get less sleep..it's when I can sleep in that I end up feeling like poo during the day.  

#2 Thought: I am not going to have any patience with my baby. I've had my moments, believe me.  They usually involve my shooing away our dog, Lola, with my foot while cursing our creaking hardwood floors.  I've had a few moments with Brixton too..moments where the crying has just. got. to. stop.  Most of those moments happened in the beginning.  Here was this new little creature in the house, I was getting used to it all, Brendan was getting used to it all.  It was hard sometimes.  But now, I've found this new spring of patience flowing up from some secret gland inside.  Really, I didn't know it was there.  And I swear it's only reserved for your own helpless children, because I didn't have this much patience while nannying (but, I did have patience then too, thank you very much). It's just different with your own little bean down there screaming, or leaking poo diapers, or scratching your face with his talons. 

#3 Thought: I'm going to get depressed/isolated/bored.  Nothing new about feeling like this, especially for new mommies.  I was afraid that I would get post-partum, since I am naturally an emotional (wreck) person and tend to slip into depression every now and then.  After a few weeks of crying at every little thing, very normal, now I just cry at every big thing, which is an upgrade.  I don't wash Brixton's hair in tears anymore.  I don't worry quite as much.  I'm feeling so so good, so blessed to be spending this time with him, soaking in his tininess and baby milk-breath and the creases of his fattening legs.  I love staying home.  I go days and days without even going to Target.  It's kind of awesome to live the life of an agoraphobic without actually being one.  

#4 Thought: Get me back to work as soon as possible!  I never thought I'd want to stay home.  I thought I'd stay the first few months and then find someone to watch him and work.  To be fair, these thoughts were far before I was pregnant.  I had no idea.  Now, the thought of leaving him at a daycare breaks my heart.  I'm so so so hoping to avoid that and trying to find something where I can either work from home or take little buddy with.   I know a lot of you mommas have to work and some of you don't want to.  My heart goes out to you. 


#5 Thought: I will get away from him every chance I get!  Call me a jerk, but I really did think this.  I thought I deserved all the breaks in the world and that I'd take them without a second thought.  I'm finding that's not the case.  Brendan's been asking me for about 2 weeks now if I'd like to go to a Zumba class, but I just keep finding excuses not to go.  Don't get me wrong, I have gone and done my own thing and it was glorious. But after the nail polish dries on that pedi or your double mocha latte whatever is cold, you have this weird feeling~

I miss you little guy.

And then you just want to go home. Back to gummy screams, back to leaky diapers, back to cracked hands from washing bottles.  Yep. This is the life.